


Say You Love Me

by AliceWasNotDreaming



Category: The Silmarillion and other histories of Middle-Earth - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Cousin Incest, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Half-Sibling Incest, M/M, Rebirth, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-18
Updated: 2018-08-09
Packaged: 2019-06-12 07:06:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 4,018
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15334524
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AliceWasNotDreaming/pseuds/AliceWasNotDreaming
Summary: The journey of Feanaro and Nolofinwe from enemies to friends to lovers.





	1. Chapter 1

When Nolofinwe was still an infant, he had looked up to his handsome, powerful older brother with eyes as bright as stars.

Feanaro, though, had not been so fond of him. He distinctly remembered his older sibling' grimace of a smile as he looked down at Nolofinwe in his crib, trying (and failing miserably) to appear elated at Nolofinwe's birth for their father's sake.

Of course, Nolofinwe had not realized that Feanaro hated him then. He had tried to get Feanaro to play with him and hug him, as typical of a child seeking affection. Feanaro, however, had always declined coldly, stating that he was too busy. Nolofinwe the infant had felt confused and slightly hurt at the rejection, but had never given it much thought.

***

When Nolofinwe was five he began to wonder why Feanaro was so seldom seen with his family. When he asked his mother, though, Indis would always become tense and answer briefly that his elder brother had too much work. 

'Ada,' he remembered complaining to his father one day, 'Brother is always so busy. Can't you make him play with me more?'

Finwe had sighed, looking sad, and said softly, 'Don't bother him, Nolo. He doesn't like being disturbed when working.' 

Nolofinwe thought it was quite suspicious. 

***

It was when he was ten that Nolofinwe finally learned the truth.

Feanaro had just returned from a trip from who knows where. Nolofinwe had run eagerly out to the courtyard to greet him. 'Brother!' he called happily, waving at the tall figure alighting his horse.

Feanaro had paused, turned, and stared Nolofinwe right in the eyes. His expression was frigid and dangerous.

'Do not ever call me brother again, spawn of Indis,' he hissed venomously. 'You will never be my brother. Never!'

And then he had stormed away, leaving behind a thunderstruck Nolofinwe and a heartbroken Finwe.

Nolofinwe remembered racing back to his room, throwing himself on his bed and crying for hours.


	2. Chapter 2

Feanaro still remembered his half-brother's birth. Finwe had been overjoyed, and for once the Crown Prince had not been the centre of attention. 

He remembered endeavoring to be friendly with the little usurper for his father's sake, so when the infant gazed up at him stupidly and extended a chubby hand with a wide smile, Feanaro had obligingly gripped the meaty fist and made appropriate 'goo-goo' noises. Meanwhile he had thought with malicious amusement that Nolofinwe was hideous and half-witted.

Disgusting little thing, he had thought with some relief. That wrinkled, pinkish ball of meat was a threat to no one.

He supposed he could tolerate him.

***

The bastard was running after him again, trying to persuade him to play ridiculous childish games. His patience was running thin. A few times he could barely restraint himself from slapping him.

How he wished that this annoying lackwit had not been born...

It was all Indis' fault for seducing his father.

He made sure to be extra unpleasant to her that day during dinner. 

***

Indis was definitely afraid of him. Probably because she feared he would harm her precious little Nolofinwe. Her fears were not unfounded - Feanaro knew he had been shooting his half-brother nasty looks. 

His father Finwe had been distressed. 'Feanaro,' he pleaded gently, 'Nolo is your own flesh and blood. If you just try to know him better you will see how lovely he truly is...'

'Undoubtedly,' Feanaro had replied drily.

***

Feanaro was jumping off his horse, eager to greet Finwe after his long trip, when he saw Nolofinwe. 

Nolofinwe, not the infant, not the meaty baby, not the stupid child.

But Nolofinwe, his father's son.

He was growing up...

Feanaro had always been quick to sense danger.

'Brother!' he was shouting cheerfully, running towards him. His face had a healthy glow.

Feanaro glared at him, saw him falter in his steps, his smile becoming uncertain. 

'Do not ever call me brother again, spawn of Indis,' he snarled. 'You will never be my brother. Never!'

Nolofinwe's eyes immediately welled with tears. His lower lip was trembling. 

Feanaro sneered at him and turned to storm away.

Feanaro was uneasy. Nolofinwe was growing up...

He hated him. Hated him...


	3. Chapter 3

Nolofinwe was eighteen. The lanky teenager wandered around the halls in his home in Tirion, lonely and sad.

He had turned eighteen that day, but no one seemed to remember it except his parents.

Or, to be more specific, Feanaro did not remember it. 

That was no surprise, to be honest. Feanaro had never paid much attention or thought to him if Nolofinwe was not around, and these days Nolofinwe took pains to avoid his cruel, ravishing elder brother.

Half-brother, he reminded himself, feeling bitter. As Feanaro himself said, Nolofinwe would never truly be his full brother.

All the same, it was not every day that one turned eighteen... Nolofinwe had hoped, naively, that now that he was an adult Feanaro would start to regard him as an equal, or at least as someone worthy of his time and attention, instead of some annoying nuisance that had to be put up with.

But when Nolofinwe had crept past the forge earlier that morning, knowing Feanaro would be there and hoping to get a 'happy begetting day' at the least, Feanaro had ignored him completely. 

How naive of Nolofinwe...

There was a feast in Nolofinwe's honour that night. No one expected Feanaro to show up, least of all the younger prince. He supposed Feanaro would just skip it entirely without even bothering to give an excuse, as usual.

So he was beyond astonished when Feanaro walked into the Great Hall that night, gripping a present in hand.

Finwe, it seemed, was incoherent with surprise and delight. Nolofinwe sat dumbly in his seat and listened as Feanaro explained over Finwe's elated blabbering, 'Nerdanel thought I should come.'

Nolofinwe remembered that Nerdanel was the female crafter, and one of the few elves that Feanaro actually liked and respected. 

He saw Feanaro turn from their father and walk towards him. He automatically rose from his seat, his heart hammering. 

The Crown Prince pursed his lips. Even that expression of mild exasperation looked beautiful on his perfect face. He held out the package in his hand to Nolofinwe. 'Happy begetting day, half-brother,' he said grudgingly in his deep, smooth voice.

Nolofinwe could have cried with happiness. He took his present with slightly trembling hands. He supposed he should thank Feanaro, but his tongue did not seem to be working properly somehow. 

He unwrapped the present eagerly and lifted out a intricately carved wooden box. There was a silver dagger inside, and its tasteful, elegant design simply screamed Feanaro.

Nolofinwe looked up and beamed. 'Thank you, Feanaro,' he said in a small, choked voice. 'It's very beautiful.'

Feanaro graced him with a slightly reluctant smile. 'Oh, it's nothing,' he replied dismissively. 

Later in his room, Nolofinwe cradled his gift to his chest, grinning goofily. This was easily his best birthday. 

The silver dagger became one of his most cherished objects


	4. Chapter 4

Feanaro glanced up at Nolofinwe with no small measure of discomfort. 

Yes, glanced up - though that little brat was decades younger than him. Nolofinwe, at thirty, already stood taller than Feanaro. 

The awkward teen seemed to have grown into a mature, graceful being overnight when Feanaro was not noticing. 

'Hello, Feanaro,' the younger elf said with a happy though reserved smile. 'It's been quite some time.'

'Nolofinwe,' he greeted briefly. He was in no mood for idle chatter. Today his father's third son would be born.

The third... Eru, Nolofinwe was bad enough. Now he had to put up with two bastard boys?

Nolofinwe looked excited. 'I've always wanted to have a little brother,' he informed Feanaro with a stupid smile on his stupid face.

Feanaro turned away wordlessly and strolled towards the bedroom at the end of the corridor. He heard Nolofinwe follow a few steps behind him.

On cue, Finwe dashed out of the door with an ecstatic expression, cradling a bundle of blankets in his arms. 'Nolo, Curvo, this is Arafinwe,' he cooed. 'Isn't he delightful?'

Nolofinwe rushed past him and looked down at the sleeping baby. 'Oh, he is adorable,' he breathed, gazing down at Arafinwe. 

Feanaro walked towards them slowly and looked at the infant. 

There was nothing delightful or adorable in this thing. He was just like Nolofinwe, meaty and wrinkled and hideous.

Nonetheless, he stroked Arafinwe's head gently with a finger. 

What a nightmare. It was exactly like thirty years ago...

Nolofinwe looked up at him with an ecstatic smile remarkably like Finwe's. 'Isn't he adorable, Feanaro?' he said in a hushed, awed voice.

Feanaro stared. 'To look at you, one would think that Arafinwe was your son instead of your brother.'

Nolofinwe laughed. 'To look at you, one would think that you did not care for Arafinwe at all!'

There was a moment of silence. A look of distress appeared fleetingly on the faces of Finwe and Nolofinwe both as they realized that it was probably the truth. Nolofinwe looked even more unhappy, probably realizing that Feanaro did not care for him either. 

'Well,' Finwe said finally, 'there will be a celebration tonight, as you know. Don't be late!'

'Of course not, Father,' Feanaro and Nolofinwe chimed together awkwardly.


	5. Chapter 5

Nolofinwe observed his elder brother at a distance.

It was the first time he had seen Feanaro so truly happy. There was a bright smile on his face as he looked at the woman with reddish brown hair beside him.

Finwe was beaming. 'Welcome, my dear,' he said to Feanaro's fiancee. 'We are glad to have you with us.'

Nerdanel smiled back at Finwe. 'I am honoured, Your Highness,' she said in a clear, confident voice.

Nolofinwe could easily imagine her as a mother. Loving and kind, but slightly stern...

There was kindness on her face now as she looked at him. 'Prince Nolofinwe,' she said with a friendly smile.

Feanaro said, 'Nolofinwe, this is Nerdanel.' He looked at her with glowing, loving eyes.

Nolofinwe felt a stab of jealousy. He extended a hand. 'It's a pleasure to meet you finally,' he answered politely. She gripped his hand firmly and beamed. 

Nolofinwe quite liked Nerdanel.

Though he felt bitter that he was not the one to make Feanaro smile like that.

***

Nolofinwe met his own fiancee, Anaire, some years later. 

His mother Indis had assured him that Anaire was a perfectly amiable lady of good breeding.

Nolofinwe was not satisfied. 

Anaire was amiable and polite, of course, and Nolofinwe liked her. But he did not love her.

Why, he loved even Feanaro more than her!

He suspected that was not what a husband ought to feel for his wife. 

(He did not suspect, though, that what he felt for Feanaro might not be what one felt for a brother.)


	6. Chapter 6

Feanaro's face glowed with pride as he showed his new-born son to Finwe. 'This is Nelyafinwe Maitimo, Father,' he said, smiling broadly. 'Your first grandson.'

Nolofinwe and Arafinwe crowded around their overjoyed father and stared down at the small child that was kicking and twisting robustly. 

Arafinwe and Finwe cooed at him and stroked his face gently. Nolofinwe couldn't help but smile at his baby nephew.

'He's got lovely hair, Feanaro,' he said admiringly. 'Redheads are so rare.'

Feanaro smirked at Nolofinwe. It was probably the first time he looked at the younger elf with something close to affection. 'He is lovely, isn't he?' he boasted happily. 

'Indeed he is,' Nolofinwe agreed.

Feanaro flashed him a radiant smile. Nolofinwe felt his heart flutter. The Crown Prince reached out to take Nelyafinwe from Finwe and handed it to him. 'There, you can hold him,' he said generously.

Nolofinwe cradled the child carefully and rocked him slowly. Nelyafinwe smiled up at him and reached out to touch his face. Nolofinwe laughed and nuzzled the small, warm fist.

'You're lovely,' he whispered lovingly.

Feanaro smiled at him again.

***

Nelyafinwe raced across the backyard and threw himself into Feanaro's arms. 'Ada!' he yelled happily. 'Are we visiting Uncle Nolo and Aunt Anaire today?' He was practically bouncing with excitement. 

Feanaro raised his eyebrows. He could never understand why Nelyo liked Nolofinwe so much. 'Yes, dear,' he replied. 'We'll go as soon as Mother is ready.'

Nolofinwe received Nelyo with a warm embrace. Nelyo began chattering immediately, and Nolofinwe, to his credit, was patient and interested. They slowly walked away from the rest of the family, leaving his wife Anaire to greet Feanaro and Nerdanel. 

Anaire smiled at the couple cheerfully. 'Nolofinwe is extremely fond of children, for some reason,' she told them.

Nerdanel laughed. 'Yes, we can see that. Nelyo loves him too. He's been dying to show Nolofinwe his riding skills.'

Feanaro looked at his younger half-brother and his son, and had to admit that the two were somewhat compatible.


	7. Chapter 7

Feanaro, sitting in the garden with Nelyafinwe, saw someone walk rapidly towards his house. Recognizing the visitor, he called out, 'Nolofinwe. What brings you here?'

Nolofinwe turned towards them. He was in front of Feanaro in a matter of seconds. He was bouncing with excitement. 'Feanaro!' he cried, his cheeks flushed. 'Anaire is pregnant!'

'Oh, yes? Congratulations,' Feanaro said calmly. Inwardly his heart sank - the last thing he needed was for Nolofinwe to get an heir.

But he had kind of expected it years before, when Nolofinwe had married Anaire. The biggest surprise was that it hadn't happened sooner.

Nelyafinwe, beside him, was far more enthusiastic. 'That is incredible, Uncle Nolofinwe! Congratulations! A baby! By the Valar!' 

Nolofinwe turned a brilliant smile towards him. 'We're having a feast in its honour tomorrow night. You must all come! This is wonderful! And little Turkafinwe will have a playmate soon, Feanaro!' Feanaro inclined his head with a gracious smile. 

'Well,' Nolofinwe continued, 'I must tell Father and Mother. They will be thrilled!'

As he watched his younger half-brother hurry away with a spring in his step, Feanaro raised his eyebrows. Did Nolofinwe tell him Anaire was expecting a child before he told Finwe?

That was decidedly strange.


	8. Chapter 8

Feanaro watched with slight discomfort as Nolofinwe's eldest son Findekano and his own eldest sat huddled together. 

Though Findekano was little more than an infant, Nelyafinwe almost seemed to enjoy his company. Feanaro should have expected as much, to be frank - Nelyo had always loved children. He still remembered how Nelyo would spend hours playing with a two-year-old Kanafinwe when even Feanaro and Nerdanel were too exhausted to pay the baby much attention.

He was not thrilled that Nolofinwe's child got so close to his own son, but he supposed he couldn't grudge Nelyo a new playmate. Nelyo was still young, and it was after all natural for younglings to wish for the company of carefree children instead of serious adults.

Beside him, Nerdanel waved a hand in front of his eyes. 'Feanaro,' she said. 'You are doing it again.'

Feanaro, his attention diverted, turned towards his wife. 'What?' he asked, confused.

'You are staring at Nelyo and Finno like you want to rush forwards and rip them apart again,' she clarified with a disapproving frown.

'Nonsense,' Feanaro automatically denied. 

Nerdanel saw right through his lie. 'Just because you dislike your brother does not mean your son had to dislike your nephew,' she chided.

Feanaro rolled his eyes. 'Oh, I'm sure Nelyo will grow out of it,' he said.

Nerdanel arched a brow and glanced at the pair. Findekano was now shrieking happily as Nelyo carried him on his shoulders, bouncing him around. 

'If you say so,' she snorted.

Feanaro eyed them with some doubt.

***

Feanaro was agitated. 

Decades had passed, but not only had Nelyo not grown out of his love for Findekano, they were now more inseparable than ever. 

They were acting almost like - like a couple, Feanaro observed with outrage.

Every time he mentioned it to his wife, though, Nerdanel would just smirk, as if she and the 'couple' shared a secret that Feanaro did not know.

'Oh, yes?' she would say nonchalantly, exchanging a small grin with Anaire, who she was for some unfathomable reason quite close to. 

***

Then one day Feanaro found out what the secret was.

He really had not meant to eavesdrop - really - but Anaire and Nerdanel hadn't exactly been quiet.

The two women were sitting in front of the fire in an otherwise deserted room and chatting animatedly. Feanaro, passing by the open door, clutching a few boxes of tools for the forge, could just hear Nerdanel saying, '...would not be surprised if Nelyo didn't kiss him someday soon.'

He froze at the doorway. And who could blame him? How many fathers could hear someone talk about their son kissing someone else and not freeze? And that someone was a male, by the Valar! How on earth was Nelyo supposed to sire an heir if he bonded with a male?

He heard Anaire laugh. 'Oh, I personally think that Finno would be the one to kiss Nelyo,' she boasted, 'Finno has always been braver.'

Nerdanel waved a hand dismissively. 'Ridiculous! I bet 10 gold bracelets that Nelyo would make a move first.'

'Done,' Anaire said smugly.

That did it for Feanaro. To hear his wife of all people, betting on their son's love life as if it was a joke - the boxes slid out of his hands and landed on the floor with a crash, spilling its contents.

'By the Valar!' he exclaimed with horror, staring at the two women, who had both whirled around with alarm on their faces. 'Nerdanel! How could you? It is our son you are talking about!'

Nerdanel narrowed her eyes at him. 'Were you eavesdropping, Feanaro Curufinwe?' she questioned dangerously.

Feanaro ignored the accusation. 'Eru, Nelyo and a boy - do you actually want that to happen? How is he supposed to sire children?' he almost shouted with incredulity.

'Feanaro,' Nerdanel interrupted sternly. 'What Nelyo wants, Nelyo gets. If Nelyo wants to bond with Finno, he will bond with Finno.' She glared at her husband. 'Now if you please, we will discuss your despicable act of listening to a private conversation.'

And that was the end of the matter.


	9. Chapter 9

Feanaro was not one to give up easily, though.

Though unwilling to seek out his half-brother's company, he had no choice. Nerdanel, the stubborn woman that she was, had refused to see sense regarding the matter of Nelyo and Findekano. Anaire would evidently be the same. Feanaro could only hope that Nolofinwe would be more reasonable.

Hoping that his half-brother was reasonable - how low he had fallen, Feanaro reflected glumly.

He stormed towards Nolofinwe's house and marched in. The guards did not try to stop him, too terrified by the sight of the annoyed Crown Prince.

He found Nolofinwe where he usually was - the study. His half-brother was pouring over one of those hideously dull documents that Feanaro despised.

'Nolofinwe,' he greeted.

Nolofinwe looked up, startled. He blinked when he saw who his visitor was. A look of incredulous surprise spread on his face. 'Feanaro!' he said with a warm smile. 'What brings you here?' He rose, gesturing to one of the chairs in the room. 'Have a seat! Would you like some tea?'

'No, Nolofinwe,' he said bluntly. He strode into the room, eyeing the decoration with mild distaste. Not exactly off-putting, but bland. 'I am here to talk about Nelyafinwe and your eldest.'

Nolofinwe smiled even more happily, if that was possible. 'Oh, yes,' he said with a dreamy look. 'They are getting along so well.' Feanaro had a sneaking suspicion that Nolofinwe was envisioning he and Feanaro in their sons' places.

He bit back his disgust. 'Getting along well is far too mild a phrase for their relationship,' he snarled. 'Are you aware that some think their relationship is bordering on romantic?'

He had expected Nolofinwe to be stunned, disbelieving, furious. He had not expected him to continue smiling dreamily and say, 'Yes, I know. Isn't it lovely? Imagine if they bonded! It's wonderful.'

'What?' Feanaro gaped, sure he had heard wrong. 

Nolofinwe noticed his expression. He frowned. 'What is it?' he asked. 'Don't you support them?' It then dawned on him that no, Feanaro did not support them, thank you very much. His face fell. 'What is so wrong about it?' 

Feanaro scowled. 'Well,' he said sarcastically. 'They are cousins, for one.'

Nolofinwe bit his lip. 'Yes, but what does it matter?' 

Feanaro gaped some more. What did it matter...? What did incest matter?!

'That brings us to the second point - they can't have children! How can they produce heirs?' he snarled. 

Nolofinwe did not care, apparently. 'Well, we both have other children, Feanaro,' he reasoned. He was beginning to frown.

Feanaro could not believe it. 'So you are completely comfortable with their relationship?' he sneered. 'You are willing to let them commit - incest, just so they can have what they want? Or are you such a coward that you dare not oppose your own son's wishes?'

Nolofinwe's face darkened further. Feanaro could practically see his defences going up, as if debating internally whether to argue with Feanaro. 

'Feanaro,' he finally said with a sigh, 'it's their choice in the end. It really is none of our business.'


	10. Chapter 10

Nolofinwe collapsed on a chair, utterly exhausted from the council.

Anaire glanced at him with concern. 'Feanaro?' she asked. He nodded. She gave him a sympathetic look.

His situation truly was pitiable when his half-brother's mere name was now akin to that of a disease among his household, he thought bitterly. As if 'Feanaro' was 'migraine' instead of his brother.

Half-brother, he reminded himself. That thought did not brighten his spirits.

Ever since their discussion about their sons several years before, their relationship had been spiraling downhill. It was subtle at first - a few more disagreements during councils, a few more hostile glances. Then suddenly it had become a hurricane of resentment. Councils were nightmares now, with lots of shouting and arguing on both sides and cowering from other councilmen, until Nolofinwe grew so weary of their argument he felt like sobbing in frustration.

How hard was it to treat a sibling with civility? By now Nolofinwe was not even asking for love or acceptance. Just the basic courtesy would do, the merest purfunctory nod when they passed in the hallways, an exchange of the commonest greetings like 'good morning' or 'goodbye'. Was that too much to ask for?

'Why?' he bursted out suddenly. 'Why does he hate me so much? What did I do wrong?' 

Anaire walked over quickly and put her arms around him protectively. 'Nothing, Nolo,' she said soothingly, brushing the tears - he was crying, he realized with a start - from his face. 'Sometimes there are things that are out of our control. There was nothing you could have done better.'

'Wasn't there?' he said with a sob. He knew rationally that it was not his fault, but sometimes he just could not bring himself to be rational, and his inner bitterness broke through, telling him that he could have done something about it if he was better, stronger, cleverer.

He held on to his wife until the breakdown slowly ceased. He took a deep breath and wiped the tear tracks from his face. 

It was silly of him, crying over a simple disagreement at the council, as if he were still the little elf that craved his elder brother's love and attention. What would his children think if they saw him like this? He had to set an example for Finno -

Oh, Finno.

He could not help but sympathize with his eldest son. It must not be easy for him, being in a relationship with Nelyafinwe, when their fathers were going at each others like dogs over a piece of meat.

A piece of meat... or a throne.

'Feanaro thinks I want to usurp him,' he told Anaire. 'He thinks I want to be Crown Prince.'

Anaire hugged him tighter. 'He is a dolt,' she informed him fiercely. 'You should tell him that.' 

Nolofinwe laughed.

'I'm lucky to have you, Anaire,' he said fondly.


End file.
